I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
