i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
