fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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