i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
