If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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