oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
