Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
