brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
