too bad you live with your parents still
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
