Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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