I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
