does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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