I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
