put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
