And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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