I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
