Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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