She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
