don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
