Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
