hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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