This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
