Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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