How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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