So drunk its hurt
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
