My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.