you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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