I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow