PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!