My first STD was from a foam party
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.