1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
