were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
