Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
