I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
