I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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