I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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