I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
