I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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