2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
