just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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