Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
