Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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