you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
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FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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