meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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