I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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