If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
