it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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