Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
