every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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