Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
