just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
