It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
