I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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