I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
