When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
