he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I currently don't understand fingers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize