I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
