my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
