Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
