why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
