I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
