hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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