moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
