wat bout pragnant strippers??
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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