PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
