so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I came so hard my ears popped.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
