are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
