My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
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i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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