that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
