I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
