The maid of honor just puked.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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