I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
