He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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