evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize