she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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