Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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