she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
